Thinking Sickness

My cat gazes at the void. She’s deep in thought, as if she’s a Rodin statue, but we don’t do thinking here. We only do duties and responsibilities, things that don’t include reading and analyzing stuff and wasting time, but my cat has been weird lately. I tell the vet that she’s not after mice, doesn’t sneak out of the house, spends much time on the sofa, 

Napping?

Reading. 

 

I tell him she reads Nietzsche and Plato and Camus. She comes to me with questions but I’m too busy to think or answer. He comes close to inspect her, and he talks to himself, then looks up and says she isn’t sick, that she’s philosophical.

Is there a cure?

I’m afraid it’s terminal.

 

He takes a look at his books, he says there’s no treatment, because once you see the truth, you can’t go back and unsee it. He pats my back in sympathy, and I nod like I understand, but I’m sad and worried.

Is this contagious?

Might be.

 

My cat frowns because she’s not happy and she squints because she needs glasses. She’s not made out to read or ask questions; she’s made out to meow and run after mice, not meaning, meaning comes with suffering, loneliness, pain.

Is she in pain?

Aren’t we all?

 

She brings the book closer and seems even more deeply immersed now that she can’t see me clearly. She only sees the book, as if she’s set her eye camera on portrait mode, and she looks down on me like she holds a truth I don’t know and her eye pictures are better than mine, and when I give advice or orders, she throws a quick glance, but

She won’t listen.

Did she ever?

 

No, but now she knows why, as if she’s conquered reason and she’s wiser than me and I’m no longer powerful, and I’m angry, but also confused, because I still go to work and obey orders and she doesn’t. 

Are you jealous?

Aren’t we all?

 

I do my best to explain that ignorance is bliss, and we sit and talk, we argue for hours, we argue all night long, then she infects me with thinking sickness, because I think she may be right, perhaps life makes no sense, but it makes more sense when we embrace absurdity together, then we are less alone, and when the dawn breaks, I break too.

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